Schubaltz Doujinshi
by JammerLea
Summary: What happens when a load of yaoi doujinshi falls onto Karl's desk! A short humor fic poking fun at yaoi apparently! I just hope it's enjoyable for everyone no matter what their preference is about yaoi.


(Warning: I am not responsible for how much this hurts your head, your spouse's head, your children's heads, and your little dog too!! THIS IS A PARODY DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY OR A GOAT WILL EAT YOUR FAVORITE PAIR OF PANTS! SERIOUSLY! You have been warned!!)

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Through some space-time warp-rip-hole in space, a pile of Zoids doujinshi (fan comics for those who have not yet been cultured) landed on planet Zi. More specifically, they landed at the Empire's Dragonhead Base. Even MORE specifically they landed on Colonel Karl Schubaltz's desk!!

"IT'S SCHWARZ, DUMMKOPF!" Karl yelled, because his name is obviously German and I want him to speak German so shut up. "WTF is this?!"

Karl picked up one of the doujinshi on his desk. "...I can't read this! Are those even words?"

"OF COURSE THEY'RE WORDS!" replied Lieutenant Thomas Richard Schubaltz who was magically in the room and looking over Karl's shoulder. "It's Japanese! And..." Thomas stopped short and yanked another doujinshi from Karl's desk, "WHAT IS THIS?!?!" He shoved it in Karl's face and shouted, "ONII-SAN, LOOK AT THIS!" because Thomas is now magically fluent in Japanese.

"Uh kahgn svee eht, ehtsh shvgd uhghnsh meh novsh."

"Huh??"

Karl grabbed Thomas's arm and yanked it down, "I said, 'I CAN'T SEE IT, IT'S SHOVED AGAINST MY NOSE.'" He then glanced down at the doujinshi and turned as white as a Geist (ghost). "MEIN GOTT! Is that us??"

"Yes!" Thomas exclaimed! "It's one of the most popular types of doujinshi!"

"WHAT??" Karl screamed so loudly that the whole base probably heard him.

"YAOI!" Thomas explained. "It's doujinshi for girls that focuses on male/male relationships."

"SICK!" Karl said in utter repulse.

Thomas flipped through the doujinshi, "Aww, but aren't we so cute together?" he said in a totally OOC moment, as we all know that Thomas could never admit he likes someone to their face.

Karl YANKED the book from Thomas. "STFU. How do you know about this stuff anyways?!"

"Well..." Thomas shuffled his feet.

JUST THEN THE DOOR BURST OPEN AND WHO SHOULD APPEAR BUT COLONEL ROB HERMANN AND CAPTAIN O'CONNELL!!

"What's going on here??" Hermann asked. "We heard Colonel Schubaltz's scream all the way at Red River Base."

"It's SCHWARZ! And it's noth-"

"DOUJINSHI!" Thomas proclaimed in excitement.

Hermann and O'Connell looked at each other wondering which rock Thomas crawled out from under today.

O'Connell just shrugged. "Okay, if you say so..."

Hermann on the other hand curiously grabbed another KxT book and flipped through it. He started to laugh like a giddy hyena.

"HAHAHA!!! THIS IS BEAUTIFUL!!" He showed it to O'Connell. "LOOK! IT'S COLONEL SCHUBALTZ DRESSED LIKE A FRENCH MAID!!" Of course he said this loud enough that the whole base could hear. O'Connell just stared at the image in his usual stupified manner, then started laughing with Hermann.

Karl was boiling so much that his hat was about to catch fire. Thomas inched away slowly.

Hermann continued laughing, "We should make copies of this and distribute them around the base!!"

Karl leaped and grabbed for the doujinshi, but fell flat on his face as Hermann lifted the book to where Karl can't reach it.

"You can't do that!" Thomas gasped. "That's like stealing artwork! Shame on you!!"

Karl jumped back to his feet like a cat with a crazed look on his face. He ran to his desk and started digging around through the doujinshi, until finally...

"AH-HA!" Triumphantly Karl lifted another book into the air. He then swung around and shoved it into O'Connell's hands.

O'Connell was confused by this, he slowly looked down at the book in his hands and then dropped it in shock.

"What?? What is it??" Hermann asked curiously.

"It's... it's..." O'Connell just stared down at it stupidly.

Karl nonchalantly picked up the book and presented it to Hermann with a smirk.

Hermann set down the other book and picked up the new one. "...WHAT?! O'Connell and me?!"

O'Connell just shivered.

"What's all this noise??" Lieutenant Van Fleiheit suddenly poked his head in the room, followed by Fiona.

"WAIT!" Karl again took a leap at the pile of doujinshi, found what he was looking for and tossed it to Van. "EVERYONE SHALL EXPERIENCE THIS, JA!"

Van caught the book and looked at it. "WHAT?! IS THIS RAVEN AND ME?!?!"

Karl nodded.

"...KISSING?!"

Karl nodded again.

"IT'S YAOI!!!" Thomas screamed from the back of the room.

"I DON'T CARE!!" Van screamed in return.

"Yaoi??" Fiona looked at all the books on Karl's desk. "OH!!! MY FAVORITE!!" She happily grabbed a bunch of books and walked out of the room with them to enjoy elsewhere.

The five men stared after her, unable to move for the next five hours.

A tumbleweed rolled by.

THE END

Epilogue:

Somewhere out in the desert came the sound of two giggling girls.

"OMG This is so hot!!" Fiona giggled pointing some random yaoi pairing.

"Teehee!!" Giggled Reese in return, "It's been too long since I've seen some good hot yaoi!"

"Yeah! My collection was destroyed when the Deathsaurer destroyed our city! I was so torn! That was all I could think about for days!!" Fiona looked like she was about to cry.

"I KNOW!" Reese said, sounding equally distressed. "I had 2983740396 books and now they're ALL GONE!!!!!"

The two sobbed to themselves until they were suddenly put out of their miseries by a charged particle blast.

Raven sneered from his Genobreaker. "Man, I hate women." He then went to a gay singles bar called Diversions! WOO-HOO!

Er, I mean!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE REAL END.


End file.
